Being a Mom

I have been thinking a lot lately about being a mom and what that means to me, everything that comes with it, the sacrifices that are made, the devotion. Every once in a while I find myself thinking, "If only we didn't have Dallin we could do this or go there or have more money. Did we start too soon? Should we have waited?" Don't get me wrong, I love Dallin with all my heart and I am so thankful to have him. I'm a little embarrased to admit it, but I think every parent experiences these feelings from time to time.

Before Dallin was born, one of my very good friends and neighbors, Rachel, gave a talk in church one sunday and she quoted this from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams:

'"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."'

For some reason this has stuck with me.

I am at the beginning of being a mother. Really I don't know very much about it except what I have seen and experienced from the mothers in my life and the trial-and-error experiences with Dallin. I am no expert. But I know it is important. And I know it is worth it. It is worth the sacrifices, tears, heartbreak, and uncertanties. It is worth having your hair loved off, your eyes drop out, and getting loose in the joints and very shabby. I know it is the most important job in the world. And I am so greatful to be able to be part of something bigger than myself.